Insomnia Adventures #1

For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from insomnia. It doesn’t matter how tired I am throughout the day, at around 1 a.m. in the morning, I become wide awake. Maybe I’m a closeted, non-sparkling vampire. Who knows?

I’ve tried every remedy under the sun, but nothing helps. I’m immune to over-the-counter remedies and mental relaxation techniques.

While insomnia can be an annoying condition to suffer from, there are certain elements of charm to it. For example, I love how empty and quiet everything is whilst driving around at night. There’s no traffic, no rush and bustle, just a quiet calm that blankets everything like early morning fog.


Insomnia also gives me extra time to catch up on the handful of books I’m reading simultaneously. Right now, there are four in total (all about halfway complete).

When I run out of things to do, I try coaxing myself to sleep by listening to ASMR videos on YouTube. At one point, I would have been embarrassed to admit this fact. However, the ASMR community is sizeable, with millions of dedicated viewers per day. It’s changed from guilty pleasure to shared social experience.

You can’t go wrong with free personal attention.

Before trying ASMR, it’s important to note that it’s a double-edged sword. You will spend a large portion of time seeking out relaxing ASMR videos in YouTube’s endless supply of strange.

Because the market has become oversaturated with content, ASMR YouTubers have been forced to scour their creative reserves for clever new concepts in an attempt to stand above the crowd.

Not all of these ideas are good… though some still manage to pleasantly surprise me. Like the one where a guy carves soap for forty-five minutes. There’s also a video of a guy slowly cutting a 3Dio out of a bread baguette. I can’t help but wonder if the idea struck him while shopping for groceries. We may never know.

If you’re unfamiliar with what a 3Dio is, it’s an expensive microphone designed specifically for ASMR use. What sets the 3Dio apart from other omnidirectional microphones like the Blue Yeti is the pair of rubber ears, which can be fondled to your heart’s content.

I want one.

After all, I can’t return my insomnia or exchange it for store credit, so I might as well pass the time by rubbing lotion onto a $2,000 microphone.

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